State of us
by Ragged-Writer
Summary: A/U. What if Daniel was never Regina's true love? What if before she was able to met him, she met someone else, someone deeply connected with Snow? How would fate be changed and how would it connect her to the stranger that returned her son to her 28 years after the curse was cast? Pairings: Regina/Oc , Swan Queen endgame. Rated M for smut, violence, mentions of abuse,& language.


Part 1:Ghost of you

" _I wake in the night to find_

_There's no one there but me_

_And nothing left of what we were at all…_ " Ghost of you-Good Charolette

Her name was Iris, the first and last person I ever thought I would love, in the sense of her being my happily ever after . I was only a simple noble man's at the time, visiting the court of King Leopold with my father to pay tribute and congratulations on his marriage to his new bride. My father and I had only celebrated my fifteenth summer a few days earlier and the lavish trappings of the court with its nobles left me wide eyed. A part of me was grateful my mother wasn't there to _scold _me like she always did. Once my father's name was called we knelt before the king, clad in gold and white with a golden crown holding down curly black hair with gentle brown eyes, eyes I would grow to hate, awaiting our meager gifts.

However, it was the queen that held my attention, the beautiful queen clad in a deep blue gown that brought out the emerald orbs that held a hint of mischief and laughter. Her blonde hair fell perfectly over her shoulders with a slight wave in it framing her strong face. Yet with all of the strength I could see there was a hint of mirth and compassion as she smiled at me when we rose from our bows. Struggling to turn my eyes from the queen my attention finally returned to my father and his words to the king.

"King Leopold, we came to wish you a most happy marriage as well as to bring you our yearly tribute." My father's voice stated in the background as my eyes were drawn back to the queen, the two of us continuing to stare at another. My heart bounced violently against my ribs, threatening to break them in two unsure why my body was reacting like I would after seeing the village blacksmith without his shirt on. Her light red lips parted causing a voice that reminded me of wind chimes that hovered over the wise woman's door to reach my senses.

"And what is your lovely daughter's name, good sir?" The queen asked him. Before he could open his mouth I spoke out, once again displaying the head strong nature I had inherited from my mother that often got me into trouble with her and others.

"Regina, your majesty, daughter of Lord Henry of the western milling lands." Everyone whispered at my improper behavior but she continued to smile and laughed a little.

"Regina, daughter of Lord Henry of the western milling lands, my name is Iris White, queen of the land. And I hope that your father won't mind if I were to steal you from him to make you one of my ladies in waiting?" Turning to face my father, he gave me a smile before resting a hand on my shoulder.

"Regina, I leave the choice up to you. Do whatever ever will make your heart happy." My arms hugged him before turning back to Iris. The hidden message was clear to my young mind as the bruises on my back stung a little.

"And when would my lady expect me to start?" I asked after releasing him. The queen laughed before speaking.

"If it is alright with your father, I'd like to have you join my private court tonight. " I turned to my father, a pleading look in my brown eyes causing him to laugh and cup my face gently. He wouldn't let me stay in our home any longer, not until mother was gone anyways.

"My daughter, I could never deny you anything." A gentle kiss was placed on my forehead before he turned to the queen. "I'll send my daughter's things to her by the end of the week." She smiled as he bowed before pulling him up and gently squeezing his hand. The nobles were surprised at her gestures of kindness but smiled, the acts winning them over.

"There is no rush Sir Henry. I have more than enough money to outfit your daughter until her things arrive. Will you stay the night or do you need to return home?" The young queen asked, looking at him with a bit of concern as the roads could be dangerous to travelers at the late hours.

"Thank you your majesty but my lands are not too far from here. I should be home by nightfall if I leave now. Regina," he said, and I moved my attention back towards him and allowed him to hug me tightly. "Be safe my darling." He whispered clinging to me tightly. I hugged him back just as hard, nodding my head as tears pricked my eyes.

"I will papa." I whispered using a name for him that I hadn't used since I was small. We let each other go and he walked away, while I turned back to the queen. She smiled at me and held out her hand.

"Come with me, I'll show you to your quarters." Placing my hand in hers my heart almost managed to break out of my chest while there was a tremble that ran down my spine. I followed her in silence to my chambers, wondering what was happening to me and what sort of magic this was.

A month passed when I finally was able to call the feelings love. Once I managed to grab a book upon the romance of a king and queen long ago, it was easy for me to translate those feelings into that single word. A part of me could only hope that she could feel the same but I struggled to crush it. I couldn't be in love. Not with the Queen, after all she was married to Leopold and it was treason to even touch the Queen without her permission. To distract myself, I had been writing my father for the past month letting him know of my life at court and how a part of me missed the apple trees that ran along the side of our estates. I found myself walking through the garden one day when a courier came up to me holding a small box and letter.

"Your father send me, milady." They said politely handing me the box and letter. I ripped open the letter not believing the words inside. Opening the box, I could tell it was true. There was a small sapling from one of our apple trees. A small tear made its way down my face as I stared at it before quickly wiping it away remembering my mother's harsh lessons on schooling my emotions. Looking up at the courier I spoke in a grateful tone.

"Thank you. Tell my father that his gift is what I needed. " The courier bowed and left as I sat upon a bench staring at the sapling with a watery smile.

"And what is this?" I turned around to see Iris behind me. She was wearing almost pure white dress with her hair pulled back into a bun. Her simple gold crown rested against her forehead contrasting with her eyes. My stomach felt like someone had let loose a circus of acrobats as I found my mouth dry as a desert.

"A gift from my father you majesty." My answer came out a bit rushed and I cursed myself for sounding like such an idiot. Her laughter filled my ears as she sat next to me.

"Regina, how many times must I tell you to call me Iris?" She turned her blue eyes towards me and I felt myself lose the ability to breath for a moment.

"At least once more Iris, as always." This dialogue had become a bit of a running joke with us as we both laughed. She peered at the small twig before speaking.

"I think your father has forgotten in his age that most ladies would rather have flowers than sticks." Iris said causing me to laugh again.

"I told him that I missed the apple trees around our estate. He sent me this sapling to plant and have a bit of home but I see no where it will fit in your garden." Looking down at my hands I spoke again finally having the courage to speak on a subject that had bothered me. "Iris, I have noticed that I am your only lady in waiting here at court, and…I can't help but wonder if you are displeased with my service?" The hurt that appeared in her eyes almost threatened to break my heart in two. What sort of magic was she using on me to make me feel so many different things at once?

"No! Regina," her warm hands covered mine, squeezing them gently after having set aside the box, "you are my only lady in waiting because you are the only woman in court who is herself. I can't abide all the liars in court and it's refreshing to have you and your personality here. "Iris let go of my hands, causing me to wonder why I felt a small pain in my chest when she did, leaving her hands gently grabbed the box and pulled out the twig and held it in one hand. Her other grabbed my hand and pulled me to her feet as she stood.

"And as for your father's gift I know the perfect place for it. " With that she lead me through the garden, her hand warm in mine, making my heart beat faster than I thought possible. Finally she lead me through three large arches before coming to an area filled with grass and benches. Pulling me towards the center of the small little clearing, she let go of my hand and knelt down.

"Iris! What are you doing, you're going to ruin your dress!" I went to pull her up and she managed to get me down on her level with surprising strength.

"I am going to plant your tree right here. And this will be our spot, the place you or I can escape from the court and everything that plagues it." Looking into her eyes, I could see that she was tired and I gently smiled at her squeezing her hand to comfort her..

"Then at least let me help you plant that." The two of us managed to dig a hole deep enough to hold the sapling and covered it. Looking at her I could help but feel my breath leave my lungs as I watched her smile. I remembered something my father had told me when I was younger, asking about how he knew that he was in love with my mother. _Oh it was simple really_, he'd tell me as he pulled me into a hug, _before looking at her, my heart kept beating strangely and I remember it felt like someone had made me swallow a stomach full of butterflies. And in the moment I saw her smile, it made my breath disappear and I knew that I was in love with her. At least before she changed…._ My thoughts began to turn away from the darkness that plagued thoughts of my mother.

Staring at Iris, I began to curse which ever god had ever set my fate upon this course. Because I found myself completely and head over heels in love with this woman as I smiled back at her and helped her up from the ground.

It would be three months later that on the night that I discovered my talent for magic & to allow for her and I declared our love for each other. It was spring and the apple trees were blooming back home or so my father wrote to me making me long to visit and see them again. The desire was further kindled by the news of my mother's passing during the changing of the seasons. Finally at sixteen summers, I was truly free. Iris had arranged with the king for us to both travel there so she could see what I loved so much. My father was overjoyed to have me visit and to show the queen our apple orchards, the three of us walking side by side enjoying the company of one another. The day sped by far too quickly and she and I found ourselves back on the road to the castle, determined to reach it before night fall. We urged our horses faster the moment the first rain drop fell, trying to find some shelter along the road as the storm began to increase to monsoon like proportions causing the roads to turn to mire. About half way back towards the castle, Iris' horse slipped and bucked throwing her through the air.

"NO!" I screamed over the roar of the storm reaching out my hand needing to save her. It felt like liquid fire was pouring out of my hand but I willed myself to keep reaching out to her, to save her from death. I had to save her and watched with shock as Iris was pulled back towards me. I was unprepared for her body flying back towards mine; on instinct I wrapped my arms around her form as I was knocked back from my horse. My back hit the ground with a loud thud and somehow managed to take most of the damage as we rolled to the side of the road.

Once we stopped my body's nerves began screaming in pain while numerous cuts, scraps and my head throbbed painfully from the assault from the road. As I watched Iris raised her head from my chest I weakly smiled at her unable to say something. Concern and regret had transformed her normal carefree orbs into pools of worry as tears and rain streamed down her face. She said something but the pain was making everything foggy as I leaned my hand upwards and brushed away a few tears before everything went black. My last thought was that I was glad she was safe and surrendered to the darkness that chased the pain away for a bit.

I don't know how long my black out lasted but I awoke to the feeling of fingers stroking my hair. Slowly, my eyes open to fuzzy shapes and the sound of a crackling fire hitting my ears feeling warm. Blinking to clear the fuzziness from my eyes, I could see Iris, stroking my hair a few tears flowing down her face.

"Hey now, no tears. You're much too beautiful for that." I managed to get out and was unprepared for her pulling me tightly against her, a hand on my back , the other resting on my head and keeping me held against her. I could feel her body shake as tears hit my hair. Slowly I wrapped my own arms around her, holding her just as tight, feeling tears of my own prick my eyes. She was safe and I was grateful for that fact not caring if I looked like a fool holding her close like this.

"Don't you ever do that to me again Regina. I can't-" Sobs covered whatever else she was saying. Gently pulling away from her& grabbing one of the hands that had been used to hold me I placed it where my heart was beating rapidly.

"I'm not going anywhere. Just don't scare me like that again your majesty." The words came out of my mouth and I noticed how beautiful she looked in the glow of the fire, the tears making her green eyes much clearer. A small smile tugged at her lips as she spoke.

"You think of all times, you would remember to call me Iris. How can I get you to remember to call me by my name?" She asked, leaning closer to me. I felt my personal space be invaded in a small way and responded in the only way I could think off and acted on my pent up desire. Closing the gap between us, I placed my hands against her face and spoke in a whisper.

"Like this," I placed my lips against hers letting the overwhelming feelings guide me into this action. What I didn't expect was for her hands to tangle in my hair, pulling me closer and stealing what little air I had left in my lungs. I broke away first, filling screaming lungs with air, feeling light headed from the feeling of her lips against mine and needing air. Her hands were still in my hair keeping me close to her each of us taking in the other's breath as we stared at each other.

"I never thought…I never thought you felt the same," she murmured, staring at me as if she was trying to convince herself that I was real.

"Since the moment I saw you, you stole my heart." I told her, blushing a tiny bit looking down. A finger tilted my chin back up, so I was looking into her eyes again, noticing a smile on her face.

"You stole mine too." With that Iris brushed our lips together, gentle at first before the kisses became more and more demanding. Groaning I pulled away for air, resting my forehead against hers as we struggled to regain our breath. The queen's fingers didn't remain idle as they began to unlace the back of corset, my riding jacket and shirt long since disguarded from our journey to this cave.

"Iris..what are you…" The fingers stopped as I never finished the question. Green eyes peered at me softly before she spoke.

"Regina, do you know what lovemaking is?" A blush spread across my features as I stammered out my reply.

"N—nnooo. I-I-I-I've only ever kissed." With a slight chuckle she kissed the tip of my nose. "Then I'll just have to show you how it works then hmm?" Her lips found mine once more as her hands continued to undo my corset. The rest of the night was spent exploring our love and each other's bodies by the light of the camp fire.

The next ten years past quickly for us. We were in love, keeping it hidden from the king and the court. It was rather easy as he was always off fighting some war or busy meeting heads of states and the various nobles. When I turned twenty five, Snow, the girl I had helped raise, told her father of our affair. I never understood what was going on in her little nine year old brain but it was enough to come after the two women who had raised and loved her. I struggled against the guards arms as they dragged me away from her, screaming to stay with her as she was held back before I was kept locked in a separate part of the palace. Every day I yearned for my beloved and every night, tears would carry me to sleep. It was hard for me to rise from my bed, the days blending together in an endless longing for her. A month later, I was removed from my chambers and brought before the king thrown to the floor in front of him.

"The Queen is dead." Leopold stated simply as my world shattered. No, no, no, no, she wouldn't have left me, she promised me to stay by my side no matter what had happened. I wanted to clutch the ring I had hidden under my dress "She died from the plague. And I am without a male heir and Snow needs a mother." My voice became cool and sharp, something it would soon become known for.

"And what exactly are you suggesting here, your majesty?"

"I need a wife to give me another child and you've already raised Snow most of her life. So I am asking for your hand in marriage. Keep in mind that I can and will use force if you do not comply with my request." The spark of hate I had for the man for keeping me away from Iris now was a raging forest fire, but all I could do was nod, powerless once again. It was another month after that conversation we exchanged vows and when he came to my chambers that night I closed my eyes and thought of her, trying not to drown in my sorrow. He was rough and uncaring, plowing into me like a rutting bull and I struggled to keep my tears at bay. Once he was asleep I ran into the bathroom drawing a bath and struggling to scrub away the memory of his touch and mourning that she wasn't here with me.

A few weeks after that I began to feel sick, but it would take me a few days of throwing up to realize I was with child. I wondered how to tell the king that his child was growing in me as I placed a hand protectively over my stomach. Something in me that I thought was buried with Iris stirred back to life. Oddly enough I found myself waiting two months to tell Leopold as he was off protecting the kingdom yet again. Upon learning of the news, he made it shouted to the four corners of the kingdom and waited for the day a son would pop out from between my legs. In my heart I knew it was a girl, one with Iris's spirit and my features.

Snow…that damn girl…. she would prevent that from happening. Sitting under the apple tree we planted I held a needle in my hand and was sewing a blanket for my daughter when the eleven year old princess stormed up to me.

"It's your fault Mama is dead!" She screamed at me. Shock made a home on my face as I attempted to defend myself.

"Snow, dear, what are-" The girl didn't give me a chance to finish.

"She's dead because of you! You killed her and now my father has to settle to marry you! Some country whore! I hope your child dies!" With that she turned around and stormed off leaving me completely shocked as to what had happened. Word would reach my ear that some of the nobility thought I poisoned the former queen and had begun to poison Snow with their lies. Later that night, I awoke with a sharp pain in my stomach and screamed as I realized I was laying in a pool of blood. The king fetched the doctor but by then I had already lost the baby. Next to the apple tree I planted a small rose bush in remembrance of the girl I had lost once I was strong enough to move. Shedding a few tears after I finished, my heart hardened and turned to ice. I would have my revenge on the White royal line for destroying what had brought me happiness. My mind wandered to the night I had accessed magic. Only a few other times I had used it but now, now I would use it as a tool for my revenge. With subtle influences I would contact teachers who gave me what I needed and I took my revenge, killing the king

Over the next eight years I was able to achieve my revenge and stood over the crying Snow White, or it was Charming now, cackling at the look of terror on her face as the world shifted and was covered in a grey cloud as howling winds sang a chorus of destruction around us.

The sound of a man apologizing snapped me back into the world of the present as I glared at the Huntsman. No he was Graham now, Graham the sheriff who had somehow lost my son. I took a sip of the cider, briefly having stop pacing for a moment. I never could understand why my thoughts turned to the past as I turned to face Sheriff Graham. Just like in the last world, his position was bound to me and thus my servant in many areas. But right now, I felt like taking his gun and shooting him with it for failing to do his job.

"How the hell did you let this happen Graham!" I hissed, barely keeping my temper in check. In my head I could see Sydney's headline now, Mayor incrassated for murder of town sheriff, pleads not guilty to mental state. I rose a single eyebrow keeping my face blank but my tone deadly.

"Why Sheriff, can you explain to me why my son is now missing?" My mind kept replaying all the horrible things that could have happened to him. Images of Henry mutilated on the side of a highway, or freezing to death in the woods kept haunting me. Taking another sip of the cider, I listened to his answer.

"I'm not sure how da boy escaped." He stated in his Irish accent, causing me little comfort. The last thing I truly loved was missing and my heart would not survive another blow if something happened to him. Before I could further berate the man for losing a child (and not any child mind you. MY child) there was a knock at the door. Growling I set down the glass and went to the door throwing it open. My eyes focused on Henry and I immediately hugged him, not caring for once that he stiffened at the contact. The tears somehow manage to sneak out as I pull back and kneel down looking at him, trying to see if he's hurt.

"Are you alright? Are you hurt?! What happened?!" I want to scream but keep my voice to a somewhat normal level, before trying to hug him again as he dances out of my reach.

"I went to Boston and found my real mom!" With that shouted he ran past me and up the stairs to his room. Turning I faced the person who had brought him back and felt my heart nearly stop. It was Iris. Everything about her face was exactly the same as the woman stood there, hands in the back of her skinny jean pockets.

"You're…you're Henry's birth mother?" I questioned unable to really speak.

"Yeah, my name's Emma. Emma Swan, nice to meet you." She held out her hand towards me as everything I had ever felt for Iris began rushing back full force.


End file.
